sábado, 9 de marzo de 2019

I was walking in a corridor at night with the lights off, just not feeling lost because of the brightness reflected in the walls by a far lamp, and not feeling lost in existence because of the belly ache I had exactly when realizing it was a long corridor, and that I would feel better if there weren't ant light, just me an my sense of an endless corridor. Because I was thinking that if I went through it looking for an end and eventually wouldn't find one I'd make an analogy of my life with it. So my problems would be solved without having the need of knowing what were they, they, as if THEY were people. So when I stopped having my bellyache I thought for a second that indeed people may be my problem, and that I should just. Get rid of them, but I'd feel worse when realizing that my anger, sadness and anxiety wouldn't go away, because a simple outside person wouldn't have the power to mean that much in my life. They should not mean shit in my corridor, they're not event the floor, because on the floor I step, I don't step in them, I don't want to and I don't need to, they're something behind these walls I can barely see and more than see, feel.

This darkness makes me feel quiet as long as the silence is kept and no other person appears. As long as I don't have the need to remember anyone, and if I do, I'll remember that person as a little joke that tried to be nice to me who knows why the fuck. Who knows how many lies have that person told me when I was blue...there's no need for blue when all is dark, no need for yellow, no need for nothing. And it's funny to think that black may be the complete emptiness of colors but also the total fusion of all of them.

I know I'm already out of the corridor but still keep walking in it. It doesn't have an exit, I haven't stepped in another room but I'm free. I'm in an alley.

No need to break free.

Just to break.

Or Just to free.

It is to break what is free.